I used to think like you, but paradox of tolerance my man. You absolutely cannot accept bigots in your society or they WILL ruin it. Not might. Will.
Also saying the minorities need to pull back on the messaging is victim blaming. They wouldn’t need to do it at all if there wasn’t a force to be fighting against. What would you propose they do instead? Just say “oh you can oppress us for now until you feel ready to accept us.”?