your thought process isnt completely off. if my server product was detecting the failures correctly, these resources wouldnt pile up.
i dont think people really understand just how brand new all this stuff is. 'the fediverse' is under active development. they call it the 'bleed edge' of technology because its painful. most fediverse servers are experiencing growing pains of some sort.
the Lemmy/kbin sides are still wet behind the ears. i just hope people dont give up!